Sophie arrived at the church at about half past 2 and wasn’t sure what to do next. She was unsure if she was meant to go into the church or not, so she opted to just wander ‘round the grounds for a bit. She considered sitting on the bench where she’d originally met Bob, but she was feeling too agitated to sit down.
She wandered aimlessly along the path that led around the church towards the graveyard. She didn’t want to go into the graveyard though. Her and James had had a frightening experience there when they were kids. It turned out to just be a fox, but she still felt uneasy being there. She thought about the fox she’d seen last night and wondered if it had been the same one. It was pretty unlikely, but she was sure stranger coincidences had happened.
She had only been there a few minutes and was busying herself by reading the dedication plaque for possibly the hundredth time, when there was a cough behind her. She turned to look into the face of Bob.
“Hello, dear.” He beamed.
“Hello, Bob.” Sophie looked at him. He was still looking fairly unkempt and crazy. Still wearing the same robe and sandals. “I wasn’t sure if I was meant to go in.”
“Ah, yes. Well, it didn’t matter really. I knew you were here anyway.”
“Oh yes? How exactly?”
“I felt your presence, obviously.” He shrugged, as if psychic ability were no big deal.
“Oh, how very Star Wars…” Sophie looked at him and wondered if it were true. And if so, how much else could he “feel”? “Shall we get on with this, then?”
“Of course, of course! Let’s go inside.” He beckoned her to follow him as he turned to walk towards the church entrance.
“You live in the church?” Sophie asked, looking up at the building.
“Sort of. It’s more of a case of the church living in my home.”
“Of course it does. I can see your house all around it.” Sophie replied, sarcasticly.
Bob opened the door of the church and gestured for her to go first. “I don’t usually use the front door, but you’d probably have trouble walking through the wall.”
Sophie let that one slide. She couldn’t be bothered to question things any more. She had a feeling that stranger things would be said before the day was over. She stepped inside and wandered through the foyer and into the main hall of the church. She looked around, taking an interest in the architecture and other features. She hadn’t been here since she was a little girl.
“Lovely building, isn’t it?” Bob asked, walking up behind Sophie.
“Yes.” She said, turning to look at him. “I wish I could live here.”
“It’s rather good, although the services can be a bit of a nuisance.” He smiled at his mild attempt at humour.
“I suppose.” Sophie smiled back. “Where exactly is your “home” then? I just see church as far as the eye can see…”
“Oh, well, it’s right… here.” As Bob said the word “here”, he raised his hand and turned it, as if rotating some unseen dial in mid-air. Sophie heard a click and the church was gone and she found herself in a hallway. It looked like it hadn’t changed for several hundred years.
“What the…? Where did…? How?!” Sophie managed.
“Separate dimensions. It’s all very simple when you know how.” Bob gave her a smug look. “Shall we go through to the living room?” He opened a door to their left and gave an overt bow as she stepped past him to go inside.
The living room gave off a similar vibe to the hallway, except it was far more cluttered. The walls of the room were unseen behind shelves upon shelves containing random objects, most of which Sophie couldn’t identify.
“You have a lot of… stuff.” She said, resisting the urge to investigate.
“More than you can imagine.” Bob replied. “I’ve got whole rooms packed full of stuff. I’ve lost count of them over the years. I’ve forgotten where I put some of them!”
“You’ve forgotten where you’ve put rooms of your house?”
“Uh, yes.” Bob shrugged. “My memory’s not as good as it used to be and stacking dimensions on top of each other is always such a messy business. You know how it is.”
“Can’t say that I do.” Sophie looked around the room. “So, are we still in the church?”
“Yes and no.” Bob replied. “We’re in the space the church would occupy if it were here.”
“And where exactly is here?”
“Not sure really. It’s an artificial dimension, so this place is the only thing in it, but I couldn’t really say where we exist, to be honest.”
“And I suppose I’m stuck here, then? I mean, it doesn’t sound like I could just walk out whenever I wanted to.”
“Oh, I suppose not.” Bob looked worried. “I’m not really used to having people here who don’t have a key. I’ll sort you out a copy, if you like.”
“That would do, I suppose.”
“You have a sit and I’ll go and see what I can do.” He gestured to a rather tatty leather armchair. It didn’t look too inviting, but when Sophie sat down, she found it to be unbelievably comfortable. “I’ll see if Douglas is about to keep you company.” He turned and called out into the hallway.
Sophie was about to ask who Douglas was, when a door opened on the other side of the room and a small grey cat strolled in and sat down in front of her chair, looking up at her.
“Ah, there you are, Douglas.” Bob said, “Say hello to our guest, why don’t you.”
Douglas looked at Sophie and mewed a few times. She smiled, somewhat confused by such a well-trained cat.
“Oh! You can’t understand him, can you?” Bob looked flustered. “I’ll have to sort that out for you too. Anyway, he said he’s very pleased to meet you and…” Bob gave Douglas a stern look, “and he asked if you have any tuna.”
“Uh, I’m afraid not. Sorry.” Sophie smiled at Douglas. He hung his head and mewed softly.
“Language, Douglas!” Bob exclaimed. “Now, you look after Sophie while I go and sort these things out for her.” With that, he disappeared off into the hallway. Leaving Sophie alone with an apparently hyper-intelligent cat.
“Um, so you’re Douglas?” Sophie ventured.
Douglas nodded.
“Wow!” Sophie was rather taken aback. “You really can understand me! But you can’t talk, right?”
Douglas shook his head.
“Hmmm, but Bob seems to understand you.” Sophie frowned. “Can he speak cat?”
Douglas raised a paw and wiggled it, indicating that this was only sort of the case.
“Oh, so he can only understand you?”
Douglas nodded again.
“How strange. Um…”
Douglas looked at her expectantly.
“Do you like being petted?” Sophie asked, gingerly.
Douglas nodded once more, this time with vigour. Within seconds, he was on Sophie’s lap and she was stroking him and scratching behind his ears while he purred contentedly. Sophie sat, wondering about what else she could ask this wonder-cat. Obviously yes, no, or maybe was the best he’d be able to do until Bob came back.
“Is Bob mad?” She asked.
Douglas did the motion with his paw again.
“Are you immortal, like him?”
Douglas shook his head.
“Oh, so are you from the same place as him?”
A shake of the head once more. Sophie frowned.
They sat mostly in silence for a while, Sophie stroking Douglas as he purred softly. The silence was finally broken by Bob’s return.
“Sorted!” He exclaimed, upon his entrance to the living room.
“What is?” Enquired Sophie, sitting forward and almost launching Douglas off her lap.
“This.” Bob held up a necklace consisting of a silver chain with a small pink crystal, about half a centimetre in diameter, hanging from it. “It’s a key to this place and a universal translator,” said Bob, clearing up some questions that Sophie had yet to ask. “and I threw in some other bits and bobs, too.”
He handed it to her and she inspected it skeptically. “How exactly does it do all that?”
“I was never very au fait with the technology itself, to be honest.” Bob replied. “I just know how to programme them.”
“And I assume I’m meant to wear it or whatever?”
“I think it works just having one about your person.”
That was Douglas. Sophie stared at him with amazement.
“From that look, I’ll assume you understand me now, which means it probably works.” Douglas smiled at her.
“You’re… you’re talking!” Sophie managed to whisper.
“Well, not really. I’m making cat sounds, just like I was earlier. It’s just that your ears are now interpreting it as human speech.”
“Is.. is this thing getting in my head?” Sophie looked somewhat scared.
“It is somewhat psychic, yes.” Bob chimed in, he had now sat in the armchair opposite Sophie. “But then, so are you. You just don’t know it yet.”
“Wow.” Sophie was dumbstruck. “I’m ready to believe anything now.”
“You’re probably best putting that on. You don’t want to lose it, do you?”
Sophie did as she was instructed. She tucked the chain beneath her top, still very aware of what it was doing inside her head. “Do you have one of these then?”
“Oh yes. Mine’s in my watch though.” Bob pulled up his sleeve and flashed an ancient looking analogue watch at her. “Douglas has one on his collar too.”
Douglas sat up and proudly showed off his collar.
“Very nice.” Sophie smiled at him and scratched him lightly behind the ear. She couldn’t help but notice that instead of hearing him purr, he now seemed to be saying a long, drawn out “oh yeah”.
“So, you were wanting to know some things?” Bob looked at her expectantly.
“Yes. Yes, I was. I’m not sure what to ask now though.” Sophie thought for a moment. “I’ll start with something easy, what’s the deal with Douglas?”
“The deal with him? I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I mean, why can you talk to him but not other cats. It’s not just the translator, right?”
“Ah, I see. No, it’s not just the translator. As I said, the crystals are programmable. His makes him a lot cleverer than normal cats.”
“If you tried talking to any other cat, you’d get rather simplistic thoughts.” Douglas chimed in. “Believe me, it drives me nuts!”
“But without it, you’re just a normal cat?”
“More or less.” Bob replied. “I’ve genetically altered him as far as I can, but the intelligence requires the crystal.”
“I told you I’m not immortal like Bob, but I’m going to live a hell of a lot longer than most cats. I already have lived longer than some.”
“Oh yes? How old are you then?” Asked Sophie.
“15. Bob got me just after he gave you up.”
“Speaking of which, am I your only child?” Sophie gave Bob a stern look.
“Oh yes. No brothers or sisters for you.” Bob smiled back, seemingly not noticing the glare he was supposed to be withering under.
“So, it took you about 3 million years to have kids?”
“Yes. I know it sounds a bit strange, but neither myself or your mother had ever wanted kids. And I seem to remember there being some practical reason for it. Not sure what it was now though.”
“So, what changed?”
“I’ve no idea.” Bob frowned. “The first I knew of it was when your mother informed me that she was pregnant. She’d returned from places unknown full of strange ideas that she’d never had before. I hadn’t seen her for over a hundred years and suddenly she’s back and claiming I got her pregnant the last time she was here. It was a bit of a shock, to be honest.”
“Wait, she was pregnant with me for over a hundred years?”
“Yes, I suppose she was.” Sophie gave him a confused look. “We can do that, you see, control every aspect of our physical existence. She just put you on pause for a while, as it were.”
“Until she was ready to come back and give birth to me?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, go back a bit. You say you can control everything your body does?”
“I can. As can your mother. As you’ll be able to.”
“I can do it too? Since when?!”
“Oh, since birth. You just don’t know it yet. It’s why we’re immortal, you know. We just stop the aging process. And any kind of wound, we can heal up right away.”
“But you’ve gotten old? How exactly does that work?”
“Oh, I let that happen. Did it several centuries back. I was going for the kind of ‘wise old sage’ look that was popular back then. Unfortunately, you can’t really reverse it. Your mother looks a lot younger than I do. At least she did when I last saw her.”
“Wow.” Sophie shook her head, as if she were trying to file all this new information away via kinetic energy. “And you’re saying I can do this too?”
“Oh, certainly. You’re probably already doing it subconsciously. That’s why you’re so thin despite all the junk you do. And you’ve even managed to change your hair colour!”
“I dyed it this colour.”
“Oh, never mind then. But yes, you can do it. It’s just a case of practicing. You start with the little things and work your way up. Same with your psychic ability.”
“My what? I’m psychic?”
“Oh yes, of course. That’s the basis of the whole ‘controlling your body’ part.”
“I should start a chat line…” Sophie muttered. “Ok, let’s come back to that later. How exactly do you –I mean, we– have these powers? Are you human? Am I human?”
“Um, the best I can do is ‘humanish’. I’m not really sure myself.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t remembered.” Bob frowned. “I messed up with the aging, you see. I let my memory degrade a bit and lost a few things. Mostly the really early stuff like who we are and where we came from.”
“So, what do you remember?”
“I know we came from somewhere else. I’m not sure where or what it was. I don’t think it was another planet. I think it might have been another dimension. Or perhaps the future. I think we’re sort of a step on from what you would call ‘humans’. We’ve definitely got abilities they haven’t and technology they could only dream of. I’ve never really checked to see if the similarities are coincidental or otherwise. As to what you are, you’re the child of your mother and I. You’re the same as us, but you were raised by humans so you don’t know it yet. Your body doesn’t quite know what it can do yet.”
“I’m like Superman but I’ve yet to learn to fly.” Sophie said, wide-eyed.
“Uh, we can’t fly…”
“I was being metaphorical.”
“Oh, right…”
“You’d understand if you watched TV, Bob.” Until he had said this, Sophie had assumed Douglas was asleep on her lap. His eyes were still closed.
“Oh, that thing! I’ll get around to it one day. I’ve got so many books to read first.”
“Whatever.” Douglas opened his eyes and looked at Sophie. “I think your mother would be a slightly more reliable source of information than him.”
“Really?” Sophie asked.
“Definitely. Like Bob said, she hasn’t gotten old. Her memory is probably still intact. Probably a lot less mad, too.”
“Oh hush, Douglas! She doesn’t need her head filling with rubbish about her mother.” Bob folded his arms and sat back in his chair. “She’s my daughter. That… woman just abandoned her. She doesn’t need her.”
“Um, surely that should be for me to decide?” Sophie gave Bob a look that said it was no use arguing.
“Oh, damnit!” Bob threw up his arms in exasperation. “You decide then. You decide if you want to go chasing after her and see where it gets you. Then you’ll come wandering back her and expecting a cup of tea and a biscuit like nothing’s happened.”
“Why would I expect a cup of tea and a biscuit? You’ve never given me one before…”
“Haven’t I?” Bob was suddenly subdued. “Oh dear, how could I have done that? I’ll just sort that out for you.” He bustled off out of the door that Douglas had entered through. He reappeared a few seconds later. “How do you take your tea, dear?”
“Milk. Strong. Two sugars.” Sophie replied.
“Ginger biscuits Ok?”
“Lovely.”
There came a cough from Douglas. Sophie was surprised, she’d been previously unaware that cats could do such a thing.
“Yes, yes, Douglas, I’ll make one for you too. Don’t you worry.” He disappeared again and Sophie was alone with Douglas. She looked down at him.
“What was that about?”
“What do you mean?” Douglas gave her a look of perfect innocence.
“You know what I mean. You want me to go and find my mother. Why? You don’t even know her!”
Douglas sighed. “Alright, yes, I want you to find her.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to go with you. I want an adventure!”
“Don’t you like it here?”
“Oh, very much. But I’ve been here for almost my entire life. I need a change.”
“So, why not just go somewhere on your own? Why do you need me?”
“Because Bob wouldn’t understand. I’m his only companion and I couldn’t leave him for my own selfish reasons. He’d understand if I went somewhere with you.”
“But why to find my mother? Couldn’t we go with something similar? Just take a holiday, or something…”
“Because that’s what you want to do and you know it. Plus, if we find her, we can bring her back here. Then I can do whatever I like, without fear of Bob getting lonely.”
“Hmmm. What a cunning little cat you are.” Sophie smiled at him.
“Is that a yes? Are we going?” Douglas sat up and looked at her expectantly.
“We’ll see. I haven’t decided what I want to do yet. And even if I did want to go and find her, I’d have no idea where to start.”
“Oh, it’d be easier than you think. And Bob could be at least some help, despite his memory.”
“We’ll see, little kitty cat. We’ll see.”
“If you weren’t a cute little 16 year-old girl, I’d claw your face off for calling me that.” Douglas looked at her pointedly, but the look melted when she gave him a good scratch behind his left ear.
Bob reappeared with a tray laden with two mugs and Douglas’ cup and a plate of ginger biscuits. He placed it on the small coffee table between the chairs before handing one of the mugs to Sophie. She accepted it gratefully and then picked a biscuit from the plate. Douglas jumped down from her lap and made his way to settle on the footstool that would allow him to have his tea.
“I didn’t know cats drank tea.” Sophie said, smiling at Douglas and his little cup.
“We don’t usually.” Douglas replied. “But he kept insisting on making me one and it eventually grew on me. Has to be very milky though. And no sugar.”
“I see.” Sophie sipped her tea thoughtfully. “Tell me about my mother, Bob.”
“Hmmm.” Bob frowned. “She’s a remarkable woman. And we’ve always been very much in love.”
“So, why did she leave?” Sophie cringed at her own lack of tact. “Sorry.”
“It’s Ok.” Bob gave her a forced smile. “I suppose she got bored, really. As I said, I let myself get old and when you get old, your way of thinking changes a bit. You don’t want to be moving all over the place and doing all this… stuff. You want things to stay in one place and not change. That’s why I’m so out of touch these days.”
“And she didn’t want to stay here?”
“No. She wanted to carry on like we always had, exploring the world and experiencing every new thing we could get our hands on. She stayed for a while, but I could tell her heart wasn’t in it. She just had to get out.”
“But she visits you, doesn’t she?”
“Oh yes, every now and then. They’ve been getting sparser though. She visited every few weeks back at the start. But weeks grew into months, which grew into years, which grew into centuries. The last time was when you were born, but before than was centuries ago. I wouldn’t be expecting her back anytime soon if it weren’t for you.”
“Why would she come back for me now? She wasn’t around while I was growing up.”
“She’d want to take you with her. You probably inherited her taste for adventure. Before now you were too young, you’d just hamper her.”
“So she decided not to see me at all?” Sophie was angry now.
“Yes. Don’t be too harsh on her. I think she was trying to make things easy. There’d be too much to explain otherwise. She made a hard choice, just like I did when I gave you up.”
“Did she know about that?”
“I don’t know. Probably. She probably knew where you were too.”
“I thought you were trying to hide me from her?”
“I was, but it wasn’t going to ever be perfect. I just needed you to be somewhere where she couldn’t drop in on a whim and whisk you away whenever she wanted. If you’d been here, there’d have been nothing to stop her.”
“What about you?”
“I couldn’t have said no to her. I’ve always done whatever she wanted. When she wanted to go, she did, because there was no resistance from me. She didn’t need to discuss getting pregnant with me because she knew I wouldn’t deny her what she wanted.”
“You’re a bit crap aren’t you?”
“I suppose I am. Sorry about that.” Bob looked deflated and almost on the verge of tears.
“I was joking.” Sophie smiled at him. “Look at it this way, if you weren’t, I wouldn’t be here. So I’m thankful.”
“I suppose…”
They all sat in silence for a while, sipping their tea. Sophie leaned forward and took another biscuit, munching on it while looking thoughtful. She watched Douglas lapping at his tea. after a couple of seconds, he seemed to notice her gaze and looked up at her. She smiled at him before turning back to her own mug. She finished the biscuit and her tea and set the mug down on tray. She stood up and dusted biscuit crumbs off her lap.
“I think I need to meet my mother.” She announced.
“I should have expected such.” Bob murmured. “I’m not sure why I thought I’d be able to stop you. There’s no point in me even trying.”
“Sorry, but it’s just something I feel I need to do. I can’t just sit around and wait for her to appear.”
“I suppose…” Bob looked as if he were trying to merge into the chair he was sat on.
“I’ll need help though.” Sophie looked at him expectantly.
“What? Oh, I see.” Bob sat up. “Well, I suppose there’s some stuff lying around this place that could give you some clues as to where she is. I found some of her diaries for you last nigh…”
“Oh. I was hoping you might want to come with me?”
“Oh no. I’m perfectly fine where I am, thankyouverymuch. Adventures are not my thing any more.”
“Oh, then, er…” There was a small cat-like clearing of a throat. Sophie rolled her eyes, “Could Douglas come instead?”
“Douglas?” Bob frowned. “I don’t see why not. Is that your kind of thing, Dougy? Would you want to go off adventuring with young Sophie?”
“I suppose I could tag along. Make sure she doesn’t get lost and all that.” Douglas’ face was the picture of altruistic innocence.
“Oh, only if you’re sure. I wouldn’t want to drag you away from your home.” Sophie’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. Bob seemed oblivious.
“Don’t be silly! I’d do anything for the daughter of my best friend!” Douglas was laying it on like he was going for an Oscar.
“That’s settled then!” Bob beamed. “You’ll be in very good hands, –er, paws– my dear.”
“I’m sure I will.” Sophie smiled and then checked her watch. “Wow, I should probably be getting home for dinner…”
“Oh! Yes…” Bob looked sheepish. “You wouldn’t want dinner here then?”
“Mum’s probably already cooked it, sorry.” Sophie gave Bob an apologetic look. “Not that it hasn’t been lovely to visit. I’ll definitely be back soon.”
“Really? Oh, good good. Before you come back, I’ll sort you out with some things that should help you find your mother. There’s bound to be all kinds of stuff lying around this place that you’d find useful.”
“And a hell of a lot of things you’d find very useless…” Douglas muttered under his breath.
“So, exactly how does this key thing work? I mean, you did that thing with your hand when we came in…”
“Ah yes. It’s thought controlled really, you just need a very direct thought about going somewhere and it’ll do the shift for you. The hand gesture was just for show.”
“What if there’s people in the church? Won’t they notice if I appear out of nowhere?”
“The psychic field kind of smooths that out. Makes them think you just walked in from somewhere or whatever. They explain it away quite happily.”
“Well then, I think I’d best be off. Thank you for the tea and biscuits and the lovely hospitality, Bob. And it was very nice to meet you, Douglas. Um…”
And with that, she was back in the hall of the church. There was thankfully no one around to ask awkward questions. She really wasn’t quite sure everything would work exactly as Bob had said it would. She stepped out of the pew she found herself in and walked slowly back to the entrance. She stepped through the great front doors and out into the cool evening air.
“Well,” she said to herself, “a cat’s just persuaded you to go off to who knows where to find a mother you didn’t know you had a few days ago. Would you like another slice of strange with your tea, or will that do for today?”
Bob slumped down in to his old armchair, feeling defeated. “She’s leaving me, Douglas.”
“I know.” Douglas replied.
“And you’re encouraging her!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Bob.” Douglas was avoiding Bob’s gaze, pretending he was exceptionally interested in his left, front paw.
“Yes you do. I may not have heard everything you two said while I was in the kitchen, but I definitely got the gist. And anyway, I can read both your thoughts pretty damn clearly. I must teach her to suppress them…”
Douglas hung his head. “Sorry” was about all he managed to come back with.
“It’s Ok.” Bob gave him a weary smile. “I doubt she needed much encouragement, to be honest. And I do understand how you’re feeling. A change of scenery can do one the world of good. You’re welcome to your adventure.”
“Thank you.” Douglas was beaming now. “I’m really quite excited!”
“Of course you are, you silly old cat. I’m actually quite excited myself.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes. It’ll be the first time I’ve gotten to eat a whole pack of salmon to myself in almost 15 years!” Bob laughed at his own joke, Douglas stuck his tongue out at the laughing old man. “Anyway, time to get some stuff together for her to take. Fancy lending me a hand?”
“I suppose so. There’s no way you’re going to be able to climb over some of the junk you’ve got stored in this place.”
As they were walking down the hallway towards doors that had remained closed for longer than Douglas had been living there, he turned to Bob.
“What exactly are you going to give her?”
“I’m not sure really.” Bob frowned. “The diaries are the only definite at the moment. And even then I think she’ll only want a couple of recent ones. Other than that, she’ll need some stuff to help her use her abilities better. She won’t be able to control them properly herself yet.”
“Didn’t you programme the crystal for all that?”
“Well, yes and no. For one, I programmed it before I knew she’d be going off to find her mother. It’s mostly programmed for everyday stuff, like the aging control and thought shielding. Second, some stuff works better as other objects. And hey, having stuff is cool!”
Douglas rolled his eyes at Bob. “Is it much further? I’ve never walked down this far before.”
“Oh, of course, silly me.” Bob stopped and bent down to pick up Douglas. “I forget that your legs notice distances. It’s a fair way, really. I think we had some of this stuff when we arrived here. We’ve never had a need for it though. Until now, that is…”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, we never had children. You don’t need teaching aids if there’s no one to teach.”
“Makes sense, I suppose.”
“And of course, we never intended to have them. So it all just got a bit buried.”
They walked on in silence. Douglas wasn’t sure how long it had been before Bob stopped at a door that he was very sure looked just like all the others.
“Here we are. I think…” Bob pulled open the door. It was dark inside until Bob made some kind of gesture outside of Douglas’ field of vision and a light came on. Douglas wasn’t quite sure where the light was. The room was just like the living room, expect it lacked the furniture.Lining the walls, shelf upon shelf was filled with objects that he assumed served some sort of purpose, but he wasn’t sure what.
“Everything’s in here, is it?”
“Well, just about. And we’ll have to take it all back to the study for programming. But the basic parts we need are here.”
“I suppose we’d better get started then.” Douglas leapt from Bob’s arms onto the nearest rack of shelves and began inspecting what he found there.
