My mind is screaming at me that he’s dead. That I killed him. Blood’s pounding through my temples. Rhythmic voices, crying my failures. I shut it out and grab the girl and start to run.

I leave her at a hospital. They’ll take care of her, I think. I disappear before anyone can see me. I stop in an alleyway across the street and look back. I watch the ambulances pull in and out and watch the people who come and go. Injuries don’t sleep. I wonder if I’m a hero. I wonder if I did a good thing. I wonder if he’s dead. I’m thinking that, if he’s not, I left a criminal in an alley. He could be there, just waiting to wake up. I saved the girl, but I let him get away. I’m not a hero. Not yet.

I turn and walk away. I head back to where I woke up this morning. A dirty street, littered and damp, just waiting for me. It’s a fitting home, I’m sure of that now. While one day my actions might elevate me from this, for now, I sleep here. This was my first attempt at becoming who I’m going to be. Gutterman.

-Alice

I rode the ambulance home again today. It’s one of the advantages of living near a hospital. You just have to collapse in the middle of a shop and before you know it you’ll be speeding through the streets. The lights will be flashing and the siren will be wailing and you’ll be lying there in comfort. Then you just have to wake up when you get there and claim you’re fine. Then I just walk the couple of hundred metres to my front door. You have to be careful where you do it though. Once I did it on the edge of town and I’d misjudged where the nearest hospital was. Fortunately I “woke up” when I realised the uniforms of the paramedics were different and I saved myself an even longer trip back. You’ve also got to watch out for those people who think they know everything and try and start CPR before they’ve checked that you’re still breathing. It’s never good when some guy clamps his mouth round yours and starts trying to inflate your perfectly serviceable lungs. It’s even worse if he’s got a beard. They think it’s so great when you suddenly regain consciousness because of them. They think they’re lifesavers.

-Alice

I’m not sure how this happened. It was all just a blur. It could’ve been any amount of time and I wouldn’t know. It could’ve been years or just a single tiny little moment in my life. It must have been longer than that though. I wouldn’t be here if it had happened in a moment. That wouldn’t be right. I wouldn’t be hearing a voice in my ear and her breath against my skin. I wouldn’t be feeling her touch. Feeling her hands against my chest. That wonderful, life-giving touch. My breath wouldn’t have caught in my throat as she pressed her lips to mine. I wouldn’t be feeling that wonderful feeling as I opened my eyes and looked up at her face. Looking down at me with that expression on her face that said I was all she cared about. I was the only thing on her mind. Her voice was a thing of beauty. It brought me back to reality with the sweetest of sensations. The fluorescence of her uniform somewhat spoiled the effect. Though what really killed it was the way she pulled me into the ambulance. It wasn’t exactly the highpoint of my experience.

-Alice