NaNoWriMo 2010 – Day 4

Robin welcomed sleep at the end of her day but it came earlier than she’d plan. A meal for one had been eaten and she’d settled in to an evening’s TV watching. She’d barely made it an hour when a wave of tiredness hit her and she fell asleep where she sat. It was a sleep that was almost instantly deep, born out of a wearisome day (as one involving crossing dimensions always was).
Robin dreamt as she slept. It was not a dream she wanted. It was a dream that took her back to the alternate world she’d been so glad to leave. She was not herself in the dream. She was a predator. She wanted the alternate Robin that she’d met that day and she was determined to have him. She was pulling his lips to hers and clothes were being torn. She was whispering obscenities to him and he was loving every minute. Just as she felt him enter her, he was suddenly gone and she was lying alone on the desk, half-clothed. The dream dissolved around her and she awoke, once more on her sofa, with the TV before her, now reduced to static images and incidental music as the graveyard shift was in full swing.
She didn’t want to go back to sleep. She decided instead to throw herself into some work she had brought home. With sleepy eyes, she scanned printed pages of text, only half reading any of it as she tried to ignore the ache she felt between her legs.

Robin was counting down the days. He didn’t know exactly how long it would be, but there was projections and averages for these things and they were usually pretty accurate. I’d be a week at the most and then he’d see her again. It made things easier if he didn’t think of her as a version of himself. She was a separate person. She wasn’t him. They were as unlike as any two people could be. He was a man and she was a woman. But then, they were as close as twins. Robin frowned. He pushed the thought to one side and got on with his work.

Robin was dreading each day’s passing. Did he really want her like that? Surely no one would ever consider such a thing seriously? But for a single chromosome, they were the same person! As alike as brother and sister. More alike, even. But then, so much separated them. They were literally worlds apart. She began to wonder if it wasn’t him wanting her that was so frightful. She began to wonder if the dream would come true. Would she become the predator and him the willing prey? She was unsure whether the answer would be gratefully received by anyone. She pushed onwards into her work, trying to make it as slow-going as possible.

Katherine sat on the pavement. She was thankful it hadn’t rained that day so she was at least dry even though the wind was doing its level best to make sure she made no approaches to the sensation of warmth. She pulled the sleeves of her jumper down over her hands and its hood up to wrap around her ears. She wished she had a hat. A proper woolly one. The hood knocked her hair across her face and she vainly tried to flick it out of her eyes. She gave up and huddled deeper into her world of insufficient protection.
She sat and watched people pass her by. She didn’t say a word as they passed. She’d only been kicked out two days ago, she didn’t need money yet. Yet. That was the operative word. She had nowhere to go. All her friends were back home. Her father had insisted they move down here so once he’d married her, they could live in her house. She hadn’t liked having Katherine in her house, so it was inevitable that Katherine would have to go. Katherine’s father had stood helplessly by as she’d been accused of things she hadn’t done. Katherine was happy to leave if it meant getting away from her. She just wished that her father had done more.
So here she was. Sat on the pavement with nowhere to go. She had nowhere near enough money to get herself back home and what was to say her friends would even have her if she could get back there? Did she honestly think any of them cared that much? No, she was on her own now.

Robin was practically skipping into work the day he’d been told she was coming back. He’d gotten up especially early to make sure he’d make it into work on time and he did just that. He was there for the pre-arrivals briefing and sat through it with a barely concealed smile. He waited with the rest of his team in front of the arrivals elevator and his heart almost stopped when he heard the familiar “bing”.
The doors opened and the alternate versions of Team 5 shuffled out. They were greeted like old friends as usual each member was promptly escorted off to their office. The numbers were thinning and Robin still had yet to find her. Suddenly there was a tap on his shoulder and Robin span round in swift anticipation.
“Hello there, old chap.” Robin’s face fell as he recognised the alternate version of Jerry Hawkins, the leader of Team 5. “I expect you’re looking for your alternate.”
“Um, yes sir.” Robin replied.
“Not with us today, I’m afraid. Hadn’t quite finished up with everything so she said she’d come along tomorrow.”
“Oh, I see.” said Robin, downhearted. “Tomorrow, then.”
“I’m sure you’ve got things to be getting on with in the meantime, eh, lad?” Jerry said. “And you never know, she could be done quicker than she thought and be along this afternoon.”
“Here’s hoping.” Robin gave a smile and let himself be buoyed back to the office on a wave of geniality.
The morning dragged as Robin tried to stretch out some work that didn’t really need doing. He found himself reorganising files that were already in perfect order and checking references on data that had long been deemed good. This was broken up by sighing and taking longing looks at where she should be sitting and out of the window at the view she’d seemed so interested in.
He decided to head out for lunch, as he had no one to spend it with, Team 2 Robin Ver being long gone. He grabbed a poor imitation of a sandwich and a luridly coloured juice drink from a nearby newsagents, almost tripping over a young girl sat on the pavement on his way out. He saw her face as she briefly mumbled a sorry at him and there was a flash of familiarity. He dismissed it and headed back to the office. It was too cold to sit outside and eat today. He’d eat at his desk.
He arrived back and was unsurprised to find an empty cubicle. He had to admit there’s been a small glimmer of hope there, but it was very unlikely. It was still lunch time, and most of the cubicles were empty of employees, from this reality and others.
Lunchtime ended and people filed back into the office. Time passed and Robin let his hopes die. He returned to his work, vainly trying to keep his mind off her. Trying to ignore the fact that his memories of her were entwined with flashes of the dream that had seemed so real.
“Hi.”
Robin’s mind didn’t register the voice at first, instead folding it into the daydreams it had been marching across the front of his mind for the past fifteen minutes. A split second later, his ears sent a back-up message that, yes, that had been a real sound and he should pay attention. Robin looked up and there she was.
“Oh!” He tried to stop what he was doing and stand up and go to meet her all at once and things go out of hand. Instead he succeeded in partially standing, knocking the lurid drink over and sitting back down again. He stared ineffectually at nothing as his mind tried to decide whether he should try again or get on with sorting out the mess he’d made.
“Need a tissue?” She was smiling and possibly holding back a slight laugh.
“I think that might be best.” Said Robin. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I finished up quicker than I thought. Or at least I decided to. Nothing that can’t wait, anyway.”
Robin smiled at her, absent-mindedly dabbing at the pool of juice with the tissue she’d handed him. “Well, I’m glad you did. I’ve been rather at a loss as to what to do all morning.”
“Nothing else for you to do?”
“Not while the whole team is focused on working with you guys.”
“Ah, I know that situation. Sorry to have kept you then!” She gave him an apologetic look.
“It’s ok. Was quite relaxing, I suppose.”
“You’re not exactly doing well there.” She indicated his mopping.
“Hm? Oh!” Robin looked down at the pool that had barely been cleared at all. “I think I may need some more tissue. And possibly a new keyboard.”
“I’ll grab you some from the bathroom. Tissue that is.” She gave him a wink and headed off to supply him with further tissue. Robin tossed the soggy bit he’d been using in the bin and took a seat.

As Robin walked to the bathroom, she thought about what she was doing. She was flirting with him. Was this really a plan? She’d decided to give him enough rope to hang himself with, as the saying goes. She wanted him to go as far as he could with wanting her and realise what he was doing. But she wasn’t sure if she wanted him to realise. He’d stood up as she’d entered the cubicle and she’d seen what was happening down there. Her dream had come back to her and it had made her ache. She’d dismissed it as soon as she’d thought it, but it was still there. It was gnawing at her.
“Shut up.” Robin thought to herself. You’ve just got to work together. Just get on with what you have to do and stop thinking about this. “Stop thinking about what?” her mind asked in a mocking tone. She glared inwardly.

NaNoWriMo 2010 – Day 2

The room was empty except for Robin and the desk attendant. The morning’s arrivals had all happened bright and early, while he’d still been sat on the bus. His alternate was probably sat in the waiting room, leafing through old magazines with a look of awe on his face (in a world that’s so different from your own, even trash can be fascinating). He walked to the desk and gave his name.
“I’ll just go and get her.” The attendant replied.
Robin waited, a little confused. The message had told him that he was meeting an alternate version of himself, not just someone who held his position. “Maybe they got it wrong,” he thought to himself, “Or maybe it’s-” He didn’t get to finish that thought as the attendant had opened the door and was calling his name into the waiting room. He heard a female voice answer and then the shuffling of magazines back into piles. A few moments later, the attendant stood aside to allow her to exit the room.
“Miss Robin Ver of dimension ZZ9-221984.” The attendant announced. The woman standing before him was alternate version of himself. From a dimension where his father’s sperm had offered up and X chromosome instead of a Y. Robin studied her, trying to see where they were similar. They shared the same dark brown hair and greyish-blue eyes. Her haircut was even similar to his, short and somewhat spiky in an unkempt and lackadaisical fashion. She was at least a thought shorter than him though, and very much a woman. She had curves in all the right places and even the short hair didn’t send her looks too far in the direction of “boyish”. Robin’s nothing-but-black suit, shirt and shoes were replaced by a dark grey blouse, a pencil skirt, tights (at least by Robin’s guess, he couldn’t see the tops of her legs), some plain black heels, and one of those little cardigan things that didn’t even fully cover her arms.
“Um, hi…” the other Robin said, “I’m Robin.”
“Oh, yes!” Robin was ejected out of his ruminations, “Sorry about that. It’s just that I’ve never been a woman before, I mean…”
The other Robin laughed, “I get what you mean. I’ve met male versions of myself before. A fair few, in fact. There seems to be woefully few female Robin Vers out there. Or maybe they all just went somewhere else for work.”
“Maybe they did. Well, it’s lovely to meet you and welcome to ER7-724272.” Robin offered his hand and she shook it and smiled. “Shall we head up to the office? You do work in team 5, don’t you?”
“Yep. Arts researcher, just like you. Or so they tell me.”
“And they’d be right!” Robin (the original) smiled and led the way through the building. As they walked, they talked politely about things, such as how he didn’t really need to lead her as the building was almost identical to her own. She occasionally pointed out things that were different; a vending machine that stocked a different brand of drink, a picture that hung on an opposite side, a plant that someone had killed by pouring something rather nasty into the pot at a recent office party. They also exchanged brief life stories about themselves, mostly a snippet from one of them, followed by a reply of “same here, but…”. The stories had similar plots, a pleasant childhood in Bristol, before moving to London for University and finally ending up at The Library. She’d done slightly better than him, ending up with a 1st, rather than the 2.1 he just barely scraped. His musical career had mostly consisted of playing guitar in a variety of short-lived, local, metal or punk bands, whereas she’d been a blues singer who’d really had a chance of going somewhere, but she’d decided to focus on her studies.
They arrived at the office and made their way to the cubicle they’d share. “It’s even in the same spot!” The female Robin exclaimed. “So I still get that lovely view out of the window. Oh, but that church isn’t there.”
“Take your pick.” Robin said, indicating the extra computers spread around the circular desk. “I’m on 1, obviously, and some guy from RR6-565677 has been using 4 a lot recently.”
“One of us?”
“No, not another Robin. His name’s Terry, I think. Don’t think he’ll be back for a few days, said he had a lot of material to gather. All The Beatles are still alive and making albums where he’s from, apparently.”
“The Beatles?” The female Robin looked confused.
“Yes. Surely you guys have them?”
“Don’t think so. But maybe they’re just not that big and I haven’t heard of them…”
Robin laughed “Maybe! I’d love to know what those guys did instead! Here, I’ll pull up something for you to have a listen to.” He sat down at his machine and started clicking away, scrolling through masses of music that had never and would never exist in his own dimension. Finally he came to what he was looking for. “Here we go.” With a click of the mouse, and a turn of the speaker’s volume knob, “Hey Jude” was flowing out of the tiny computer speakers he’d been provided with. The female Robin listened intently, a slight smile forming on her lips.
“I know this one!”
“Oh, so they do exist?” Robin looked a her hopefully.
“I don’t think so.” She gave him a troubled look. “I think it was churned out by one of those awful pop factories in the late 20th. I can’t for the life of me remember who was singing on it. Not that it matters really.”
“Oh dear. It’d be a real shame if they were reduced to that sort of thing.”
“It was probably a cover or something.” She gave him a reassuring smile. “Give me all you can on them and I’ll do some research when I get back.” She took a seat at 2 and started her voyage of discovery into the works of one of the most successful bands of all time, who were almost nobodies where she came from.
Robin watched her work and he smiled. She was definitely very attractive. He was sure he couldn’t look anywhere near that attractive if he tried. The more he studied her, the more he could see resemblances, but every one of them had a feminine bent that made him believe she must be someone else. But obviously the checks had been done. They had to be. The Library needed to know if you were going to be working with an alternate. The simplest way was via name and position in the company. They were both Robin Ver and they both worked as Team 5’s arts researcher. But that wasn’t enough. Names could belong to anyone. There was definitely another Robin Ver living in this dimension already who was in no way an alternate of himself (he occasionally got e-mails or online requests from people looking for the other Robin Ver, though he was unable to direct them elsewhere as his searches for him had also been fruitless).
Their work day rushed along and they got along well on that first day. They sat and ate lunch together and they were joined by another Robin Ver, this one being from TD7-454533 and instead being an historical researcher for team 2. He’d been visiting for a while and informed them that this was the last time he’d be there as his team’s project was finishing up and they’d be moving on to editing and publishing the data they’d collected. Robin (the original) had gotten to know him quite well and expressed his sadness at seeing him go.
“Well, you’ll have to pop over sometime!” said Team 2 Robin, “We’ll have a night out. Drinks will have to be on me, obviously.”
“Ah yes, no monarchy over there, so our money won’t even pass for good.” said Robin.
“And maybe the young lady could join us?”
“Oh, that sounds lovely!” the female Robin replied. “I’ve yet to experience the UK as a republic outside of research texts.”
“Good good. I won’t bring the wife. She seems very much of the opinion that one of me is far too many at the moment.”
“Ah yes, Jenny Saunders,” the original Robin mused, “I was heartbroken when she ditched me. Guess I dodged a bullet there!”
“You certainly did, my boy!” Team 2 Robin gave him a fatherly punch in the arm, despite their identical ages.
“Jenny Saunders? She got very drunk and tried to kiss me at a party once!” the female Robin exclaimed. They all laughed.
The rest of the day was an enjoyable one for Robin. There was pleasant conversation throughout the afternoon between him and the alternate Robin and he was sad to see her to the departures department at the end of the day. She assured him she would be back though. She had lots of surface data to sort through and compare to what they had back home. Then she’d be back to do some in-depth research and provide him with some data for comparison. He told her he’d be very much looking forward to it.
His bus home was on time and he spent most of the journey thinking of her. It was then that he first began to consider some kind of relationship between them. The thought shocked him at first, but it kept nagging at him. She was definitely very attractive and they shared a lot in common. It wasn’t unheard of for employees of The Library to begin relationships across dimensions, but with an alternate? That’s surely just a little fucked-up? Robin began making narcissism and masturbation jokes in his head and was still giggling when he got off the bus.

Robin had a dream that night. It began with him and the female Robin working in the office, like they had been that day. Almost instantly, it changed. Female Robin stood up and had a predatory look in her eyes. She pushed the computer terminals off the desk one by one and then leapt upon it. She pulled Robin towards her and kissed him deeply and passionately. They began to undress each other. Pulling at each other’s clothes, taking off only what was needed. He ripped open her blouse and pushed up her skirt. She was wearing stockings in his dream. She lay back on the desk and he removed her underwear, discarding it on the floor. He climbed on top of her, leaning in close to hear what she was whispering.
“Fuck me.” Robin exclaimed as he awoke. He felt dampness against his face and instinctively wiped his mouth, but it was dry. He realised it was sweat and sat up. His could feel the hardness of his penis against his underwear. “Fuck” he said again and fell back to lie on the bed again. He masturbated to the fading images of his dream. To the thought of fucking an alternate version of himself. To the sound of her whispering in his ear. To her stockings. To the look of hunger in her eyes when she’d taken hold of his neck and kissed him. He came to the fantasy of fucking himself. The euphoria subsided and he fell into a restless sleep haunted by doubts. But at the back of his mind hung that look. He wanted to see that look for real.

I tend to pretend I’m incorporeal

“Spare some time for cancer research?” Julian had been concentrating particularly hard on walking; the voice brought him out of his own head with a jolt. He stopped and looked at the girl who’d spoken. She was one of those clean kind of hippies. The ones who knew what a bath was and instead showed off their allegiances by adorning themselves with coloured wooden beads. Her hair was the shortness of someone who’d recently decided against dreadlocks and she was all smiles. He mumbled something, still in an early morning daze and struck somewhat dumb by her looks. “I’m Maria” she extended a hand towards him, encased in a rainbow-patterned woollen glove. He shook it and managed a “Hi”. She quizzed him a bit and he managed to mumble some answers outlining who he was and what he did. She plowed on through her spiel as he stood there, trying to work out a way he could get to know her better without parting with any money. He’d just decided it was futile and had started talking himself out of it when he realised she’d stop talking. She was instead looking at him quizzically, seemingly wanting an answer.

“I’m sorry; I’m poor and don’t really care.” Her dejected look told him that was possibly a bit too honest.

The onset has begun

I needed blood. Not a lot of it, just a little. I’d run a knife down my finger and licked the drops from it but it wasn’t the same. I was still twitching from the need and now I had a painful cut and a mess on my carpet. I thought of her. I couldn’t ask her to satiate my addiction. Once someone’s left you, the intimacy’s gone. If it had been something meaningless like sex or a kidney, it wouldn’t have mattered. But cutting someone open with a knife was something that you needed to be close for. People don’t tend to let you break out the razor blades if they can’t stand the sight of you. I’d thought about meeting someone new, but that would take time. There’s so many stages you have to go through first, before you even get to the point where you find out she isn’t into it and leaves in disgust. I’d even tried one of those “alternative personals” sites. That had been a waste of time and money. No, I had to think outside the box. I looked down at the body before me. I decided the mourners wouldn’t notice just one more scar.

-Alice

Lover is a two-legged word

Stop it. Stop believing that those consequences are too great. Stop thinking about what might happen after this and start wondering about this moment. Stop exploring that fiction and make something happen. You need to take hold of this moment and make love to it in your own special way. You need to make this moment yours. You need to romance it and then lead it to an alley and take it roughly with a garden hose. You need to seize it and tie it to the headboard and have your way with it. This moment is just there for the taking. It looks so innocent, but you know what’s really going on. You know it’s begging for you. It’s calling out to you, giving you suggestive looks and hitching up the hem of its skirt. Stop flirting with time and get on with it before she slips away and fucks some drunk guy who wasn’t afraid to grab her by the hair. You need to hold her down and tell her who you are. Have her scream your name as you seize the day. Yell phrases in Latin as you get yourself off. Just make sure you don’t take this quite so literally next time.

-Alice

I’ve developed a taste for your failings

I pulled her in close as she walked away. I put my lips to hers as she shouted obscenities from across the room. I took her hand and led her to bed as she ran her nails down my back. She lay on the bed and I dressed her slowly. I pulled on her clothes and she finished unbuttoning my shirt. I whispered in her ear and she smiled slowly, like she’d forgotten something important. She told me to leave and I dropped to my knees before her, refusing to stay. I closed my eyes and gave her the kind of look that could fry chicken with a toaster. I walked out the door and picked up the phone in the hall. She was calling me for the third time that night and I hadn’t the heart to tell her I was busy. I shook the receiver and placed it against my chest. She spoke with some urgency and I felt that there was little I could do but ignore her. I chose the opposite and made my way downstairs. She was standing there like she expected something from me. I refused to give her anything and proceeded to take off her shoes without question.

-Alice

Tip the balance in her favour

I created her. She began with a line on a little scrap of paper and now here she was. Here she was just standing in front of me. It was hard to think of myself as some sort of designer or architect. Somehow I’d created a being. Somehow this had happened. I knew the creating had happened and that I’d done it, but somehow I couldn’t recall it. It was just a haze in my memory. A shadow of an event that seemed so distant in time. She looked so beautiful. I wasn’t sure what to think. Is it wrong to find something you’ve created so irresistible? Is that some kind of skewed narcissism? Should I be humble in my work and feel I could always improve? Or maybe it’s not the pride that I feel that’s wrong. Maybe it’s something deeper inside me. Something sexual. Was I actually attracted to a being of my own creation? That raises even more questions about her existence as a reflection of me and what that means. Or maybe this is natural. Maybe everyone feels this about their creations. Or maybe I just need to stop designing sex dolls.

-Alice